Security

Police in Kenya have one objective overall – make as much money gathering as many bribes from as many drivers and pedestrians as possible. I know this to be true because I drive in Kenya and I’ve been stopped by more than one policeman for “inspection”. The scenario usually goes something like this…
I’m driving my 1975 Land Rover down a bumpy Nairobi road
Police standing on the side of the road wave their hand and flag me down
I pull over and turn off the engine
The policeman comes over and asks for my license
I hold the license up to the window (this is critical – it is against Kenyan law for a policeman to actually “have” your license – something I remind them of every single time I’m stopped and they want to “hold” it)
They review it and then I ask them “what else do you want? You’re wasting my time”
To which they say, “I’m not wasting time I’m keeping Kenya safe”
To which I say, “Keep Kenya safe and stop criminals…I’m not a criminal.”
And then…before waiting for yet another tedious comment, I start the car and drive off. (This learned while riding in countless taxis and private cars)

Now for those who are shocked at the brazen exchange note that it is the same for everyone who’s pulled over and who has done absolutely nothing in violation of the law. Kenyans are less brazen than expats for all sorts of obvious reasons but I quickly discovered that if you engage in their bullshit on any level, you’re in for a hassle or money or both. But if you call them on their bullshit and quote Kenyan law (which they don’t know and can’t quote), then you’re sorted. I loathe checkpoints and they’re all over the city – particularly at night. There’s nothing wrong with my vehicle or my driving but being pulled over makes me nervous regardless. In America, if you’re pulled over, you’re busted. You’re caught doing something wrong 99% of the time. In Kenya, you’re pulled over for lunch money. In a country where the police are essentially unsupervised and “uncontrolled” (so much so that the UN issued a report and called for the dismantling and rebuilding of the entire force), the police make my skin crawl.

If the police were committed to doing their job…it would benefit Kenya’s growing traffic problem. Nairobi and outlying suburbs are the result of English colonialism way back when…and if you’ve ever been to London you know the English system of road building isn’t so great. The roads in Nairobi are narrow, poorly paved, full of traffic circles that don’t circulate, and dangerous. Matatus (essentially a minibus that is public transportation) litter the entire country and are controlled by corrupt politicians and police who all answer to the “tribal mafia”. So there are no rules for matatus and that means chaos. Matatus drive on sidewalks, on the wrong side of the road, and just about anywhere else to get ahead because time is literally money. They are never maintained properly, driven by guys who drink illegal brew called “changaa” and chew khat (a weed you chew to get high) all day long while they ferry people around. Their “tout” or the guy that rides in the back to take the money is just as high and often very rude pushing people in and pulling people out. Matatus are a necessary evil in a country with no rail system (a subway like the one in Cairo would transform Kenya) but they are also responsible for more traffic accidents and deaths than any other transportation in the country.

Driving in Kenya is interesting. First…you have to drive on the “wrong side” or left side of the road…which is fine. Your brain actually gets used to it pretty quickly. But the lack of road signs, street lights, and RULES means that you really have to concentrate if you want to survive any trip at all. Road conditions add to the challenge as man-eating potholes, cars on the wrong side of the road, busses that lose control and come careening at you (as did one just a few weeks ago while I was in a cab), and COWS being herded from one patch of grass to another make it all—challenging. Pedestrians add their own bit of fun as some think that it’s worthwhile to jump in front of a car on purpose to get hit and ask for money (this happened to me). I know loads of expats who refuse to drive in Kenya. I’m a bit braver although I rarely drive after about 8PM – preferring to take taxis who then take all of the responsibility. Intersections are really just areas for serious games of “chicken” to be played where you nudge out…and nudge some more…and then make your turn. It helps when you’re driving a really old, tough looking Land Rover because people generally give you the right of way – even matatus. My first car – a rental car – was basically a Honda Accord and no one was afraid… The Land Rover scares just about everyone…which is nice!

Driving in Kenya despite all of its challenges is worthwhile because you get to know the city and can see more being mobile. But with a vehicle comes the potential for violent crime in the form of car-jackings and robberies. My friend was carjacked by three armed men when she was dropping off a friend. The three guys and my two friends drove around long enough to empty out their bank accounts and have all of their mobiles, etc. stolen. No one was hurt and they didn’t want the car…but…that three men with guns were in the car for two hours driving around is scary enough. I think the worst part of the ordeal was actually considering that if she had been alone, the evening would have been far more violent and dangerous for my friend. One of the more gruesome crime surges in Nairobi (and there have been several in the past few months) has people stealing corpses from morgues, throwing them on cars as they drive by, and then attacking the poor sod who stops to help the “person”. Pretty desperate stuff. After my accident and dealing with police and an American Embassy that liked to put me into voice-mail as I was being threatened with jail (for a bribe…not because I was at fault), I have accepted the advice of friends and police who all say, “if you hit anyone – especially at night – leave them on the road and drive straight to the police.” It’s far too dangerous in Nairobi at night to stop and help someone and that is just entirely sad. The night of my accident a mob grew within minutes and I can say with absolutely certainty that if I had been alone that night, I would have been injured/attacked.

So violent crime is here—like every big city—but it seems to be a bit more depraved. I don’t know. Throwing corpses at cars is beyond anything I’ve ever heard of before anywhere… Car-jackings, armed robberies, shootings/murders, and rape are all part of the landscape and most Kenyans would tell you that the recent surge is largely contributed to the Sudanese and Somali refugees pouring into Kenya every month. Somalis in particular get the most blame because they have a large community in Nairobi and seem to have huge sums of money for buying land, politicians, and businesses. I’ve no doubt at all that the guns that the CIA and other governments are running into Somalia (all on the QT of course) are filtering back into Kenya for crime. You can actually “hire” an AK-47 by the hour in Kenya and pay per bullet – Wal-mart doesn’t touch these guys in terms of bargains and incentives. I’ve been talking to some of my more connected Somalis and have been trying to convince them to engage in a nice PR campaign to restore a bit of their image – Somalis are nice. They agree that it’s necessary but in true Somali fashion cannot possibly agree on who is to pay and who would control the work. It’s clan vs. clan on every level. The Northern border is entirely porous and the Kenyan politicians seem entirely unequipped or uninterested in ensuring safety. There’s simply too much money coming in from Somalia to try and completely shut down the border. So the government looks the other way and hopes that nothing bad happens. Another attack (like when the US Embassy was bombed 10 years ago) would cripple Kenya for years given their post-election violence last year. More and more it seems the press refers to Kenya and Somalia as the same country and that’s dangerous. Kenya would dry up and starve to death if tourists stopped coming and the UN, USAID, and other government agencies pulled out…so it’s a bit scary.

So how do I feel safe? Good question. I don’t’ spend much time out at night quite honestly. If I do go out, it’s to one of a few places that I know and where friends meet. I always take a taxi when going out for all sorts of reasons – some have been mentioned. I don’t drink much (I’m not much of a drinker anyway) and am home by about 11PM…I feel safer doing all of that. I don’t walk around after 8PM and NEVER walk around downtown once it’s dark. I’m as aware as I can be and feel pretty safe most of the time…safer than when I lived in DC but not nearly as safe as Cairo. Our apartment complex, like every other compound, is guarded by 24-hour security guards called “askaris” and electric fences topped with razor wire surround the entire place. I live on the top floor and every door has a metal, security door… So it’s safe enough. I’m not interested in making Nairobi sound like the most dangerous place in the world – it clearly isn’t. But Nairobi certainly has its crime and danger that require some pretty fine-tuned street smarts and a sense of “what’s meant to be will be”…