Maternity Leave

So...

My great house-help Faith worked her last day Friday as she has gone on maternity leave. Faith is due on the 16th of August. To be honest, I didn't know she was pregnant. My boyfriend TB asked me one day, "is Faith pregnant?". Of course I said no. I thought she just had a belly like most women in Kenya. But he got me thinking. So a few weeks later Faith was working in the house and I asked her if she was pregnant. "Yes", she said. I asked her when she was due...August...(mind you I was asking her in June!). I then asked her why she didn't tell me sooner and she honestly didn't have an answer. I understood. Faith was afraid that I would be angry that she was pregnant and that her job would be in jeopardy. Clearly, I wasn't angry and told her as much. And then I broke the news. It is Kenyan law that any female employee (and yes Faith is considered an employee) who is pregnant has a legal right to take 90 days of paid maternity leave without exception. Faith nearly fell over. I further explained that the 90 days leave was paid...imagine.

In America, you're put on disability (assuming you paid into it) when you deliver and you might get six weeks to recuperate before you're back to work. That's a pretty normal plan. There's no federally mandated maternity leave law that I'm aware of. The states have been left to develop their own requirements. Wisconsin, I'm told, requires a 30 day maternity leave - but I've no idea if that's paid. It all seems fairly barbaric.

Back to Faith. So I've known for a few months that I would have to find a temporary replacement for Faith...ugh. Faith is the niece of a good friend. I trust Faith. Faith has keys to my house. Faith likes the cats and takes care of them. She's got a great sense of humor and works really hard. Faith is great. How to replace her? Enter Anita. Anita works for my boyfriend. She does a great job - his flat is always really sharp. So Anita is now working in my house. We'll see how she does. I have high hopes. Anita is very happy to have another job - she's literally doubled her salary for the next three months which is going to be great.

Faith returns 1 November...or she may choose to stay home and do something else. It happens. I've had quite a few friends tell me that I'm being 'really nice'. That although the law is very clear on maternity leave...most don't offer it. And Kenyans don't know their rights well enough to exercise them - or they're just afraid. I don't know. What type of woman would I be if I told another woman she couldn't exercise her maternity leave rights - the same rights that if I were to have a baby I'd demand for myself?

Faith is going to call the baby Elvis if it's a boy...and Agnes if it's a girl. I've not met a Kenyan named Elvis so this might be a first. Is she marrying the father? I asked her and she replied, "No way!". Funny. Faith's boyfriend is just a boyfriend. Faith wanted a baby - and now she has one. It's a trend here...that's rapidly growing in popularity - date a guy to get a baby - but not a husband...

I wish Faith all the best and look forward to her phone call...and I'm excited to meet Elvis!

Kenya's Referendum

So...4 August 2010 is Referendum Day in Kenya. Kenyans, after waiting for countless years through political upheavals, will get to vote whether to accept or decline the new constitution. Its been a very long process indeed. I can't imagine writing a new constitution. The American Constitution hasn't been touched (save for an amendment here or there) since it was first constructed which is amazing. The idea that we would take the document, "revise it", vote on it, and enact it is absolutely foreign. Although I think at times - not for the best. Can a document created over 200 years ago remain entirely relevant?

They say that South Africa has the most "socially evolved" policies in that it protects everyone - even gays - from discrimination, etc. Equal rights for EVERYONE regardless of their gender or sexuality is guaranteed...imagine.

Kenya's new constitution doesn't offer the same protection. There was hope last year while it was being drafted that rights for all (including gays) would be included - not so. The church in Kenya remains all too powerful (think Vatican without the big building or Pope)... The church controls a lot of the political will and pastors and other religious leaders have been very busy telling their congregations how to vote which seems monstrous. There have been confirmed reports of some church leaders denying church members communion unless they showed their voter registration card and/or confirmed that they would vote per the church's advice. Even more repugnant is the work of multiple faith-based NGO's in America who have channeled millions of dollars into Kenya leading to the vote to vote NO! They want a No! vote because the new constitution, while proclaiming that life begins at conception (the most conservative language in any constitution in the world in that it declares when life begins) allows for the possibility of abortion should the mother's life be in danger - a doctor's confirmation of the risk is required. Forget how you feel about abortion - that's a fairly tiresome debate. Imagine if you will America preparing to vote on a new constitution and the Chinese subverting the vote because they disagreed with one or two passages...or the Saudis...pick your poison.

People are nervous throughout Kenya that violence will erupt after the voting results are declared. Great political power is at stake. Retired former President Moi (a dictator by all counts who had torture chambers used regularly) and Minister for Higher Education William Ruto (a very dangerous politician) have spent countless days and funds traveling from one end of the country to the other telling people that the new constitution will mean that people lose their land. LAND IS POWER. In Kenya, like most of Africa, how much land you own equals how powerful you are... So when you tell Kenyans (65% of whom are illiterate) that the new constitution has clauses to "reclaim" ancestral and/or tribal lands, you get a bunch of people upset and ready to vote No and ready to get violent if they need to... The constitution by the way doesn't take land away - so long as you have a legal title/right to it. It does not allow squatters or "land grabbers" to keep illegally obtained land.

I hope that Kenya can refrain from violence. The day has been declared a national holiday to ensure that all registered voters get a chance to cast their vote. I'm staying home on Referendum Day. I've bought some extra groceries, some new movies, and plan to hang out at home to relax. I'm praying for Kenya...praying that this vote will begin a new era in Kenyan law and that some equality and integrity will be brought into a very corrupt political and legal framework.

Trusting your instincts

So...

I'm in this strange place right now where my gut is telling me that things aren't working out in my private life for loads of reasons... The major contributing factor to all of this is that we just like to live very different social lives. No one is good or bad. In fact, he's a very good soul and man. We just don't understand each other when it comes to spending time together. I'd like to go to a movie...dinner...a walk...a hike...a drive...a picnic...a trip to town to just check it out on Sunday...happy hour drinks...dancing once in a while...hell just running errands together.

Dating in Kenya is an extraordinary effort that I've yet to really even start to understand. My "American" instincts are constantly pushing back at situations that don't seem to make a whole lot of sense and advice from Kenyan friends to not react "too harshly" or "too American" pushes in the other direction. Life in the middle...again. It's a difficult thing to navigate--when do you listen to your instincts despite their heavy Americaness and when do you adopt the more "Kenyan approach"? I don't know. I know that it's not much fun to have this battle waging...it's not fun when you don't know if you can trust yourself... I wish things were clearer right now. I wish that they made more sense. I wish I had more confidence in myself, despite living in Africa, to stand for what I want and what I think I deserve culture be damned. Ugh.

Drinking

So...I'm at a crossroads this morning. I find myself thinking seriously about how the person in my life right now goes out every weekend to drink with friends. And DRINK. I'm not much of a drinker myself. Yes, I've been known to get downright drunk about twice a year, but that's about it. If invited to the right dinner party, I can definitely enjoy enough glasses of good wine to get buzzed and happy - but not blind drunk. It takes about 2-3 glasses of wine and I'm all good for the evening.

Kenyans love to drink. And a lot of the expats who live here love to drink. And because I don't, I'm a bit nowhere socially. I don't enjoy most bars or clubs. I can't stand the big clubs here because the music is too damned loud to talk and the prostitutes fill the space. So where do you go when you're NOT a big drinker? Quite frankly, it's just boring to have me around I think. Everyone else is enjoying themselves and I'm essentially sober and bored. BORED. So what to do? And even more challenging how do you find someone to date and enjoy life with when the majority think that drinks all night every Friday and Saturday are the high point of the week?

I'm also not real big on sleeping late. I CAN. But only on rare occasions. It's not in my system to sleep until 12PM or 1PM or even 2PM every weekend. I'm awake by 9AM most of the time and it seems like just a waste of daylight and LIFE to lay in bed all day nursing a hang over or just flopping around when you could be walking, hiking, seeing a movie, etc. I never thought of myself as an "energy" person. I have high energy friends and I don't even compare. But I guess I'm in the lower third of that category. I never realized it until I moved here. My Mom and Dad are energy people. My Mom is up and buzzing every weekend...working in her garden...working on the house...MOVING. My big brother is an energy person, too. He's up early and busy with chores long before the rest of the house and neighborhood have come alive.

So what to do? I don't know. I don't know how to find balance with the majority who love bars and I've no idea how to find anyone in the minority that would rather have a grand meal and then head home to watch a movie. Once again, I'm in the middle in Kenya and, as always, it's a fairly frustrating and lonely place to be.

Film Industry

The few that I do confide in are very close friends who shall remain nameless for now...the internet is just too small. My closest friend here is also my business partner and an amazingly creative, talented woman. She's Kenyan which has also meant that I learn from her perspective and gain a stronger insight into Kenyan culture that leaves me dazed and confused at times. She was the first person to give me work in Kenya and we plan to make films together forever… She’s also done her best to convert me to veganism which has thus far failed but I have to love her for trying. As for me, I try to slip a hot dog into her veggie stew once in a while but that hasn’t worked so far.

Most of my close friends are part of the filmmaking industry. I haven’t talked about work much because there hasn’t been much to talk about…just enough to almost survive and to have paid rent thus far. I’ve produced various documentaries, adverts, etc. and thins are moving along. I’m hoping that a few of the projects that I’ve been chasing come through as they would mean loads of travel throughout East and West Africa which would absolutely amazing – and the work is dynamic as well. It’s all exciting; and it all means that when I’m not actually shooting, I’m networking every day to find the next great project. It’s exhausting and scary at times – when rent is due and money is tight – but I wouldn’t give up this experience of producing in Africa for anything right now. I am a producer. I love producing. It’s all I want to do and I’m very fortunate to have a chance to do what I love in Africa.

As an update, I am now the Director of Awali Entertainment Ltd. (www.awalientertainment.com). We're doing our best to generate new work (original works) and to also service some jobs with local clients. We're navigating the Kenyan tax system and other challenges (licensing, etc.) but we're getting through it all. Earlier this year we attended the Cannes Film Festival in France and that was a great trip for the company (more on that later)...

We could be busier...but we're not stuck...which is saying a lot right now.

Politics

I sometimes think that the Kenyan government has all but stopped caring for Kenyans. Politicians are far too focused on winning the elections in 2012 to pay attention to the destitute in their neighborhoods. The newspapers are filled every day with yet another story of politicians and civil servants stealing millions of shillings from the coffers to fuel their own greed. There’s always an investigation that goes nowhere and the cycle repeats itself day after day after day. Corruption is so accepted by all Kenyans that it still shocks them when they don’t have to pay a bribe to accomplish some small task. Paying bribes is a way of life that few Kenyans can ever see ending. The 2008 post election violence that devastated the Kenyan economy and community has resulted in a formal investigation by the International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague. Politicians and wealthy private citizens who largely financed and fueled the violence are now going to be put on trial. Kenya had two choices – establish its own court system to deal with the trials or let the ICC do it for them. Most Kenyans do not trust the legal system as a bribe can buy you out of any legal jam and so the ICC is now coming in to set things right. And Kenyans will wait. The ICC is a slow-moving machine that takes years for its investigations to conclude before trials can begin. Kenyans don’t mind. They all tell me that they will wait—they are patient. This could well be the first time in Kenyan history where a senior government official is tried and convicted. No one really knows what’s going to happen but the USA and European governments who control a lot of the money coming into Kenya (and so forcefully dictate policy) have made it clear that arrests, trials and convictions are necessary if Kenya wants to continue to receive it’s AID.

And all of this makes for great gossip. “Who’s on the bad guy list to the ICC?” What will happen to the president? Prime Minster? Will so and so flee the country and seek asylum elsewhere? The gossip about all of this is fueling the newspapers and is palpable in the city. Everyone has an opinion about what will happen—including expats. The gossip machine is quite powerful in Nairobi and it reminds me every time I hear a story that I’m really living in a small town. It doesn’t take much to know someone who knows someone in Nairobi and so there are very few secrets that can really be kept. Arrests, affairs, finances, and health are all openly discussed whether you want them to be nor not. It can get very claustrophobic at times living in Nairobi because it feels a lot like living in Lake Arrowhead – where you see the same people no matter where you go. I’ve stopped sharing as much as I used to with most friends. I confide with very few. I’m trying to take some privacy back and leave a little room for mystery which isn’t so easy to do…

Celebrity Mzungu

Which moves on to the next experience – that of celebrity. Being white in Africa makes me a celebrity. By celebrity I mean a person who is considered an authority on everything, is seen as rich, and who is seen as a way to escape African life. It takes a tremendous amount of sensitivity not to abuse this celebrity because you realize that you can get away with just about anything given the color of your skin. For example, about a year ago a woman I know was volunteering with the Maasai out on the Maasai Mara. She was working with a local health clinic to educate men and women about HIV/AIDS and family planning. Now because she’s a white woman from America, everyone who comes into the clinic – and everyone in the community for that matter – assumes this woman has medical training and is an expert. They would never question her abilities or ask to see her credentials no matter what happened. She is treated with enormous respect. And that really doesn’t work. She’s a bartender from the East Coast of America. She’s a bartender who hasn’t paid attention to this culture for the past six months and is crossing the line. While she was working in the clinic last year, she was asked if she wanted to administer vaccine jabs (shots) to children by clinic staff who saw no problem in allowing an entirely untrained person deliver medical care. And so…because she’s naïve and quite honestly ridiculous, she agreed to help give jabs to kids. No one would ever question her ability to handle the vaccinations – or her ability to handle a child’s life-threatening reaction to the jab. She told me this story just a few days after it happened and I was horrified. I asked her if she would ever do such a thing in America? “No…of course not.” So I then asked her, “So it’s okay to do it here with a bunch of semi-literate Africans…just not at home?” To which she had no reply. This celebrity thing is scary. If I walk into any government office, I am immediately told to not wait in line and to come ahead of everyone else. When I refuse, I am seen as strange. That I would rather wait my turn than receive special treatment is very peculiar. Kenya has a massive colonialism hangover that still has people curtsying to me when I do something kind or when say I pay the housekeeper her monthly salary.

My friend, the one pretending to be a nurse, woke up from her “I didn’t realize” stupor and she’s no longer practicing medicine out on the Maasai Mara. I can appreciate that she just wanted to do some good work…we all do. Which is another challenge in Kenya. How much of yourself do you give to a group or to a person without becoming all-consumed with their needs? Most of you know that I help support and volunteer with a small group in the Kawangware Slum. Last year I was spending a lot of time and energy with the group and I quickly came to realize that I was being seen as their sole source of money, support, and other resources. And that’s dangerous. Expats come and go. We don’t usually stay forever. And when you let anyone or any group become dependent upon you for their survival, it’s dangerous ground. So I decided to pull back a bit from the group. And thats been difficult. Everyone I know in the expat community tries to do a little something to improve the lives of a Kenyan or Kenyans around them. We pay for school fees, medical treatment, food, or some other necessity because we can… But it’s finding the balance in all of that which is very challenging but when you live amongst the poorest people in the world, you realize that you cannot possibly solve every problem or address every issue or you will be exhausted. You have to find a balance between helping those around you and taking care of yourself without feeling guilty. “Do I really need to eat out tonight? So many are hungry…” – that’s the kind of thinking that can creep up on you and that requires your attention when it does because it’s easy to get wrapped in guilt living in Africa. We have so much and most have so little. Balance…is quite tough. I still do what I can to try and make a difference but I realize that the struggle for a family and for their kids far surpasses my abilities and so I have to accept that they are struggling and will probably struggle for the foreseeable future.